She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
