never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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