i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
