you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
