Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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