but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
