and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
