What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
