just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We had sex on a dog bed..
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
