Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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