should my penis look like a turkey
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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