I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
