She went from zero to smokin in five shots
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
