Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
