based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
