He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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