Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
