So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
