I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
