I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
