HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
