We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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