I wish I could punch you in the face.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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