Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
