A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
