ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
