Is it normal to miss your booty call?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
