A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
