I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My boob is missing a layer of skin
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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