lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She told me I should be a condom model.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
