if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
