you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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