i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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