chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
