Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
