god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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