I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
