This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
