Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
