Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
