i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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