god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
organizing the empties. That sober.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
