She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
