so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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