Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
