I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
