he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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