I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
