it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
