the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
