i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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