ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
