they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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