So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
