I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
