Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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